Stress. What do you do about it?

April is National Stress Awareness month. As we mark one year since life, as we knew it, came to a pause, there is no better time to reflect on the stress we’ve endured personally and collectively and find some new ways to manage stress. For many, the stress before the pandemic was exhausting enough. The added pandemic stress, relationship stress, financial stress, increased isolation, work stress, national upheaval…and overall traumatic stress of living through a pandemic may have felt, at times, unmanageable and unbearable. In times of stress, you may notice that you act on urges and impulses that take you away from who you are and the present moment. Here are some stress reduction tips and tricks our therapists use to help their clients manage stress more effectively.

1. Stay attentive to the body’s experience. This is where stress exists. This might include doing a body scan visualization while breathing into areas of tension or tightness. Pause and take a moment to just notice where you are in time and space.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercises are a great way to destress. Click HERE for the script.

3. Get outside for at least 15 minutes each day. Get out into nature (take a walk, hike, sit outside, do some gardening).

4. Daily “Brain Dump” Journal for 15 minutes.

5. Art Journaling – spend 10-15 minutes drawing. Pay attention to what comes up and allow it to guide you.

6. Stress Scribbling – Think about the stressor(s) and notice how your body feels. Draw a scribble that represents the stress and then continue scribbling for 15-30 seconds. Notice how you feel after scribbling. This can be repeated until you notice a change to the feeling. 

7. Go back to the basics! This may include eating food that makes you feel good, drinking water, getting enough sleep, moving your body in a way that feels positive (stretching, walking, etc.), taking care of illness.

8. Aroma Therapy- this may include essential oils or candles that are relaxing like lavender. 

9. Review boundaries and set them as needed

10. Set a timer to remind you to take breaths each hour.

It may take some experimenting to find what works best for you. Studies suggest that focusing on stress reduction strategies for 5-20 minutes daily or in small increments of time reduces overall stress and feelings of overwhelm with time.

You've heard of it ... But what exactly is EMDR?

Some of you come to The Counseling Center because you want EMDR therapy. Others of you have never heard of it, or maybe you’ve heard of it but aren't really sure what it is. What, exactly, is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a big fancy title for a type of therapy that is ideal for trauma and breaking persistent patterns of thinking. In fact, it's one of the only methods of therapy that has been endorsed by the Veterans Association to treat veterans with PTSD. That's a big deal!

But you don't need PTSD to benefit from EMDR. Most of us have negative patterns of thinking like ''I'm worthless" or "I don't deserve love" that have been with us since childhood.

Those thought patterns, just like flashbacks from a trauma, get "stuck" in the brain. And when a trauma or thought pattern gets stuck, it's not easy to change it. We've all tried to stop intrusive thoughts and sometimes no matter how much we want to stop the thoughts, we can't.

EMDR Therapy specifically targets those "stuck" areas in your brain. Don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds. In fact, most clients find it not only extremely helpful, but also relaxing. Using tones in a headphone and little buzzers that you hold in your hand (or moving your eyes from side to side), your EMDR therapist will walk you into some particular thoughts and memories that have been discussed in advance, and then we just let your brain do the work it needs to do to heal.

All of us here at The Counseling Center are trained in this type of therapy because we have seen how effective it is. It is remarkable.  If you want more information, you can visit the EMDR website at www.emdr.com or www.emdria.org.  Or schedule an appointment with one of our therapists to see how EMDR might help you!

Written by Stacy Stoddard, LCMFT

Four Tips to Improve Your Intimate Relationship

In the film ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ the main character tells a story about her friend Deborah:

“Deborah, a psychologist, was asked by the city of Philadelphia if she could offer psychological counseling to a group of Cambodian refugees, ‘boat people’ who had recently arrived in the city. Deborah was daunted by the task. These Cambodians had suffered genocide, starvation, witnessed relatives murdered before their eyes, spent years in refugee camps, and endured heroic boat trips to the west. How could she relate to their suffering? How could she help these people?” The main character who plays Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the book ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ went on to say that the Cambodian people wanted to talk with her friend Deborah, the psychologist, not about the trauma and suffering they had experienced as result of fleeing their country, but about their love relationships. They wanted to talk about the love they had found, the love they had lost, and the love they were missing and wanted back…all about a special guy or girl whom they couldn’t stop thinking about. Elizabeth Gilbert found herself thousands of miles away from home going to talk to a medicine man about the very same issue: her love life.

Why is it that so many people are consumed with their love relationship? These relationships touch a very deep place within us. The concerns seem to fall into three categories:

• People who have had their heart broken by someone they love and just can’t seem to recover.

• People who are currently in a relationship and are concerned that the relationship is not working.

• People who are looking to find the right person with whom to spend their lives.

In this blog posting I would like to focus on some tips for those who are in a current relationship and feel that it is not working. In future blog postings, I would like to address more tips for current relationships, as well as tips for those who are trying to get over a past relationship, and tips for those who are looking for the right person to be with.

So, here goes:

Tips for Improving Your Current Love Relationship:

1. Be willing to listen. Try to hear what your partner is telling you when he/she speaks. Pause. Don’t think about what you are going to say next, just listen. Let your partner know what you think they are saying. Let them tell you if you heard it accurately or if there is something they need to clarify. Stay calm.

2. Provide safety for your partner. Remember that you are both on the same side ultimately. Your partner is not your enemy. Your partner is your friend. How can you speak to your partner in a way that allows them to feel respected and not attacked? When either of you escalate, the discussion is over for the moment and needs to resume later after a cooling off period.

3. Laugh together. Remember when you met your partner and you had countless moments together talking and making each other laugh? Where did that go? Bring the humor back into the relationship. You may have to work hard to find it again, but you will.

4. Devote time to the relationship. You two need time together and without your children or your friends. It may be very difficult if you have children, but it is essential that you make it happen on a regular basis. Get off the sofa or away from the computer. Turn off the cell phone. Think of a creative way to spend time together. Surprise your partner and ask him/her to surprise you. Make it a priority. And make a rule that you won’t talk about your problems on the date.

Written by Linda Beam, LCSW-C

A New Year: Setting Successful Intentions for 2021

The old custom of making New Year's resolutions serves the purpose of being mindful of what has been and envisioning new beginnings with the transition to a new year.  However, there is a way to make your new beginning more successful.  In Sanskrit the word Sankalpa means vow, vow to self.  When we mindfully set a new Sankalpa we are aligning with our highest self and our highest good.  The Sankalpa originates in a heartfelt desire, and is then affirmed as an intention.  This takes your new resolve to a deeper level, one more likely to succeed because it is a commitment of your true self to your self.  Being directed by your heartfelt desire garners your full commitment and is more likely to succeed.  For example, a resolution to exercise more is frequently expressed in January.  Below I will describe how to go about setting an intention in this area that is more likely to succeed.

1. Sit in stillness and draw your attention within.  Notice the movement of the breath in the body, following the inhale and the exhale.

2. After a few breaths bring your attention to the center of the chest, the heart center, and invite yourself to become aware of your heartfelt desire.  That could be something such as, I am healthy and fit, I make healthy choices daily.  

3. Affirm this intention to your self as if it is already present.  Allow to come to mind images of your self making the healthy choices that result in being healthy and fit. 

4. Repeat this heart centered intention daily to reinforce and this is likely to help you experience the changes you want for your self.

Your heart's desire may be about relationships, or your work, or your life's purpose.   Here are a few examples to help get you started:

I experience love and connection in relationships.

I use my skills and talents in fulfilling work.

I am aware of my values and manifest them purposefully.

These more general heartfelt desires can be broken into specific intentions that lead to fulfillment.  For example, I make time to be fully present in relationships that would lead to greater love and connection. 

Happy New Year and best wishes for fulfilling your heartfelt desires. 

December 2020: Holidays during COVID

We’ve all joked, and sometimes cried, about how crazy 2020 has been, and we’re now looking into the month that may be the hardest for many of us.  We’re exhausted from nine months of varied stages of lockdown, isolation, fear, and unpredictability, and now COVID rates are rising again.  And on top of it all, it’s the holiday season.  For many of us, the holidays will look very different this year.  Here are some tips to help cope with this challenging time.

1. Be gentle with yourself.  Cry if you want to.  It’s okay to feel grief during this holiday season.

2. Keep what holiday traditions you can, but allow yourself to be creative about replacing ones that you’re not able to have.  If you can’t travel to see family, print out their pictures and set them around the table.  Or try zooming together while everyone eats their holiday meal.

3. Talk to others about how you’re feeling and share ideas.  We’re all in this together!  Maybe even join some Facebook groups or follow some Instagram accounts that are sharing ideas about how to cope with this year’s holiday season.

4. Practice gratitude.  Focusing intentionally on the things you’re grateful for is a foolproof way to feel better, even if it feels hard at first.

And, of course, reach out for professional help when needed.  We’re here for you!