A Case for Expressing Anger and Rage: Listening to What These Emotions Are Telling Us
/Written by: Gina Rossetti, LCSW-C
Anger is often misunderstood in the mental health field and viewed negatively in our culture at large. Beginning in childhood, we’re taught to calm down, be nice, let things go, or “not make a big deal” when something hurts or harms us. But anger, including rage, can serve an important psychological and social function when it is allowed to be expressed safely. These emotions can alert us that something feels unjust, unsafe, disrespectful, or out of alignment with our values.
For women and people of color, anger and rage can be even more complex to feel and challenging to express. Women may receive messages that anger is inappropriate, aggressive, or threatening. Similarly, people of color are so often inundated with messages from our society that expressing rage and anger is unacceptable because of racial stereotypes and frequent safety concerns accompanying being perceived as angry or threatening. As a result, these populations are often taught to suppress anger until it turns inward, emerges as resentment, gets stuck in the body, or eventually feels overwhelming.
Rather than viewing anger as something that needs to disappear, we should create a space to explore it and increase our comfort with this important emotion.
Working With Anger in Therapy
Working with anger and rage begins with curiosity rather than judgment.
Consider exploring:
What is the anger protecting? Anger may be responding to hurt, fear, grief, betrayal, powerlessness, or injustice.
What happened before the anger? Help clients identify triggers, patterns, and the thoughts or experiences that preceded the emotion.
Whose rules govern the expression of anger? Explore messages clients have received about who is “allowed” to be angry, paying attention to gender, race, culture, and power.
What does the anger need? Sometimes the answer is a boundary, acknowledgment, safety, rest, repair, advocacy, or change.
How can anger become information rather than instruction? Validate the emotion while helping clients choose behaviors that align with their values and goals.
For clients who have experienced racism, sexism, or other forms of marginalization, it is critical to recognize that anger may be a reasonable response to experiences that genuinely are unjust. Therapy should never pathologize a client's anger simply because it is uncomfortable to witness.
Learning to Work With Your Anger
Managing anger and rage doesn't mean suppressing it or pretending everything is okay. It means learning how to listen to these emotions and decide what to do with the information they provide.
Try:
Pause before acting. Give your body time to come down from the intensity of the moment.
Name the emotion underneath the anger. Ask yourself, “What am I actually hurt, afraid, disappointed, or frustrated about?”
Move your body. Walking, stretching, dancing, or other forms of physical activity can help release some of the body's activation.
Write without censoring yourself. Journaling can provide a private place to express thoughts you may not be ready to share.
Set a boundary. Sometimes anger is pointing toward something that needs to change.
Talk to someone safe. Choose a person who can listen without immediately minimizing, fixing, or judging your experience.
Seek support when anger feels unmanageable. A therapist or other safe person can help you understand patterns of anger, identify what is underneath it, and develop healthier ways to respond.
Create Meaning and build community. Anger and rage can be catalysts for change on both an individual level and within communities. Find spaces where expressing your feelings can lead to meaningful change. This could look like attending a community rally or meeting, a protest, or writing your representatives.
The goal is never to silence anger. It is to develop enough safety, awareness, and curiosity so that anger and rage can be expressed, without causing harm or getting stuck. And remember: finding community and connection in our anger and rage is vital to preventing emotional exhaustion. We should allow our anger to facilitate connection, safety, and belonging in community spaces.
